Chivalry Isn’t As Dead As You Think It Is

I’ve been seeing a lot of these articles going around, written by men, stating that the world is different and men are slobs that don’t treat women with respect.

Exhibit A:


Why Chivalry Is Dead, From A Man’s Perspective

Why Chivalry Is Dead, From A Man’s Perspective
SEX • AUG 21, 12:04PM

In the hookup culture we now live in, it’s pretty obvious that chivalry is completely dead. Maybe my parents were old fashioned, maybe growing up in a tight knit Italian family resulted in different values, but I was always preached the value of chivalry and etiquette from the women in my life. From my grandmother to my mother, you better believe I learned my lessons, either verbally or via the wooden spoon. But why now does it seem like it’s completely impossible for men to do what I would consider the ‘normal’ thing?

Dating is done. Seriously, who goes on dates anymore? It’s all about hooking up, getting a number, grabbing a drink and getting down. I think I’m the only single guy I know that actually takes a girl out to a restaurant on a first date. There’s a reason for this. If you take a girl out and show her you’re more than some douche looking to just get in her pants, odds are, you’re going to get a second date, at least. Call me old fashioned, but a nice dinner is worth the money to get to know someone to some extent.

For me, it’s not about the money, and I get why people are stingy when it comes to going out with people they don’t know. Look, I get it. Sh*t costs money. But really, what’s the difference? Treat yourself to a good meal, and if the company is good, why the hell wouldn’t you take a girl out to a nice dinner?

All I know is, the more I look around, the less I see men treating women the way that we’re raised to. What happened to paying for dinners and drinks? What happened to pulling out chairs and holding doors? What happened to walking on the outside, closest to the street and all that sh*t? Where did we lose the chivalrous touch? When did it become acceptable to just text a girl, inviting her to come bang? Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining about those instances, I’m just saying, why have we strayed away from what has been established as the norm?


I think, in an ever-changing landscape of communication between 140 character tweets, LOLs and ROTFLs, we’ve lost our ability to communicate, altogether. You go to a noisy bar and expect to get to know someone new, when all you really wind up with is uninteresting small talk. We don’t take the time to get to really know people anymore and that’s why you see relationships and marriages failing at a 50 percent clip. Ultimately, push is going to come to shove here, and I figured it would have happened by now, but for some reason, it has not.

The real problem here is that women, for one reason or another, have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. We no longer have to put in the effort of flowers, chocolates, dates, etc., and if we do, we come off as stage-five clingers. I’m not looking for a girlfriend, nor am I looking for a wife. If I take you out to a nice dinner, it’s because I’m a nice guy, and I am looking forward to spending time with you somewhere other than the bedroom.

Eventually, I feel that women will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things used to be automatic and expected of men, like holding a door, pulling out a chair, and paying for dinners. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway – sex. It’s pretty obvious that women own the cards, and when they start acting like it, they’ll finally start getting dinner from places that don’t deliver.

Photo courtesy Tumblr

I understand that the world is different and that there are a lot of bad guys out there, but honestly there have always been. I think complacency and decency has been stripped away a bit in the age of technology, but it also means the world is different. I think it’s time that we adapt to a different atmosphere and learn how to be chivalrous in a way that isn’t for the sake of doing so. Some guys need to step up, but in some ways I think women need to as well.  As Jenna Ruth, a Facebook commenter puts it:

“…women don’t DESERVE anything except the respect that you would show an equal. Men paying for dinners was standard common procedure in a time where women were expected to be homemakers, not breadwinners. Dude, everyone wants sex. We’re human, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We also want intimacy and connection, but sometimes, we don’t want a relationship. This is HUMAN, not male or female behavior.”

And I think that holds through. While simple things like holding open doors and pulling up chairs should be done every now and then, We now live in a time where gender equality is something we strive for, and rightly so. I think we should pursue it. It’s okay to “hook-up” if it’s made clear from the beginning that’s what intentions are. Guys shouldn’t be made to feel like jerks when they aren’t looking for a relationship, as long as they are honest. Despite all of this, there is a nugget of truth: don’t forget to treat women with respect, and it never hurts to be a little “old-fashioned”


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